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Shades of Mourning on CD

I am writing these words while the Middle East, my place of birth, my roots, is bleeding. There are no words that can describe the pain, loss and suffering I see in the land and it's people on a daily basis.

Like me, my friends, family, and neighbors who live on the other side of these fences that were built to divide us, carry an excruciating pain that grows deeper as the wars continue - pain that will live in hearts and souls for generations to come.

I wanted this project to bring people together through music. My grandfather, born in Syria and shaped by hardship, believed in peace until his last day. Because of him, I believe in peace, and I hope this is one belief I will never have to grieve.

The sonic landscape of conflict-the sudden silence after chaos, the irregular heartbeat of distant artillery, that unnatural quiet following destruction-has inevitably found it's way into my musical language.

These experiences of personal loss, collective grief, and enduring hope became the foundation for the music in this album, each piece exploring different sides and shades of mourning.

Shades of Mourning

This album began, unknowingly, at my grandmother's deathbed. I didn't realize then that the piece I wrote while she was taking her last breaths would grow into an album, nor did I yet know I was a composer. The room was dark and hushed, air hanging motionless as though time itself had paused. Outside, the world continued it's rhythms, but in that space, existence narrowed to the shallow rise and fall of her chest.

"Shades of Mourning, " which opened this collection of compositions centered around the process of grief, is a passacaglia - a farewell to a woman who shaped my life in ways I'm still uncovering. It opened a door to composing as a form of grief, reflection, and memory-and became the foundation of this entire work.

Roots

While grieving my personal loss, I found myself reflecting on my family's history and how it shaped both my identity and my music. When composing "Roots, " I wanted to create something that contrasted with the first piece - something wild, unexpected, unapologetic. I wanted to capture that visceral feeling of blood connecting to soil, of heritage running deep in our ground. Each note seemed to carry the weight of stories passed down through generations, a lineage both heard and felt, resonant as ancient memory. I asked myself: what do our roots mean to us, and to others? How much of our history lives in our cells, and how much is rewritten with each generation?

Intermezzo

A few months after my grandmother's death, I found myself at an artist residency in the Catskills. After being so close to her in her final moments, I experienced a privilege that many don't get to experience - breathing fresh air amid some of the world's most beautiful scenery. The garden welcomed me with meticulous care, an explosion of green against the blue sky. Flowers nodded in gentle breezes, while the sunlight warmed my skin. My ears filled with nature's music - birdsong trilling above the steady, the murmur of the Hudson River flowing past. There, surrounded by life's persistent beauty, I found a stark contrast between loss and renewal.

It was here that I met Purcell Palmer, the founder of the residency, who became a dear friend. She passed away just months later. I wish she knew how profoundly she and her home affected me, how much healing I found in the sanctuary she created. I dedicate "Intermezzo" to her memory.

And Maybe You Never Used to Be

As time passed, grief evolved beyond my personal loss to become a central theme in my life, as it has for so many others around the world. I found myself processing not just the death of loved ones, but the loss of friendships, ideas, ideologies, and deeply held values. Inspired by Philip Glass's minimalist works, I created this four-movement string trio to explore these different dimensions of loss. "And maybe you never used to be" - my first chamber music work - opens the collection with a question: what happens when the things we thought were certain begin to shatter?

My Clouds of Grief

During grieving, there comes a stage when you wake each day under a dark, inescapable cloud. It follows you-pressing down on your chest, shadowing every breath. The weight settles into your bones, as if colors drain from the world around you; food loses it's taste, becoming nothing but texture. Even laughter from passing strangers sounds distant and hollow, as though filtered through thick glass.

I wanted the music to envelope listeners in this heaviness, to let them experience how it feels when grief becomes your constant companion, surrounding you in it's seemingly infinite darkness.

The End of Times

Perhaps the most delicate and lush movement of this collection. Through the subtle effects of mutes, I explored the strings' capacity to create delicate colors and textures, searching for sounds that could capture an existential question: What does the end of times feel like? At a certain point, it felt as though I was living through such an ending. In this movement, I grapple with uncertainty - will we find relief in our final moments, or will pain be our lasting legacy? The music whispers these questions through veiled tones and gentle dissonances.

Imaginary World

While wars, conflicts, and unthinkable violence continue to plague our world, I find myself seeking refuge in imagination. Grief, pain, and sorrow are collective human experiences that touch every aspect of our lives, appearing in different shades and meanings, leaving lasting imprints on our souls.

In my imaginary world, no living creature suffers. We exist side by side, caring for each other despite our disagreements and painful histories, working together to leave this world better than we found it. Inspired by the Mishima Quartet, whose music offered me solace during dark times, I created this movement. May it bring you the same joy and comfort that this music brought me.

Prelude & In My Blue

How do we conclude this journey through love, loss and grief? "Prelude" opens the path to the final track "In My Blue." "In My Blue, " based on the theme of it's Prelude, travels through harmonic changes and rhythms, much like the way grief transforms over time. The music creates a sensation of gentle vertigo, as if the room slowly revolves around you-a melancholy dance in darkened space where shadows become partners and notes hang in the air like suspended memories.

During my darkest moments, I found unexpected solace in music - not just in creating or practicing it, but in letting it become my sanctuary. Inspired by Chet Baker's 'Almost Blue' and referring to the gentle sway of Bossa Nova, I imagined a love story between people who know deep pain intimately, yet still find the courage to dance together.

I wanted to end this album not in sorrow, but with the same quiet hope that music has always given me - the possibility that even after profound loss, we can still move forward. Together.

Tamar Sagiv is a cellist and composer whose musical language bridges classical tradition with contemporary expression. Her work explores themes of memory, identity, and emotional resonance, often drawing on personal experiences to create sound worlds that feel both intimate and universal.

Her original composition Roots-a reflection on heritage and belonging-was premiered at her Carnegie Hall debut in May 2023, and performed alongside her mentor, acclaimed cellist Matt Haimovitz, at the Cello Biennale Festival in Amsterdam.

Originally from Northern Israel, Sagiv began her musical training at the Kfar Blum Music Center with Uri Chen and continued at the Israeli Arts and Science Academy in Jerusalem with Prof. Hillel Zori. She earned her Bachelor's Degree from the Buchmann Mehta School of Music at Tel Aviv University, and completed both her Master's and Professional Diploma (PDPL) at the Mannes School of Music in New York City under Prof. Haimovitz's guidance.

As a performer, she has appeared as soloist with orchestras in Israel and Germany, and played at venues including Lincoln Center, Alice Tully Hall, National Bohemian Hall, and the New York Public Library. Her music has been broadcast on Israeli National Radio since she was 16.

Sagiv has participated in masterclasses with Steven Isserlis, Ralph Kirshbaum, Gary Hoffman, and Frans Helmerson, and attended festivals across Israel, Europe, and the U.S. Her achievements have been recognized by awards from the America-Israel Cultural Foundation, the Ronen Foundation, and a Certificate of Honor from Maestro Zubin Mehta. In 2022, she performed the music of composer James Simon-who perished in Auschwitz-at Carnegie Hall.

Her debut album on Sono Luminus highlights her distinctive compositional voice and virtuosic playing, establishing her as a powerful new voice in contemporary classical music.

Acknowledgements

I extend my deepest gratitude to my husband, my mom and family for their unwavering belief and support throughout my musical journey, especially during moments when I struggled to believe in myself.

I am profoundly thankful to my teachers who have shaped me as a cellist and musician: Matt Haimovitz, Felix Nemirovsky, Justus Grimm, Chagit Glaser, Hillel Zori, and Uri Chen. They opened my heart and ears, teaching me how to truly listen and nurturing my artistic growth. Special thanks to Leerone Hakami and Ella Bukszpan for their beautiful playing, artistic contributions, and cherished friendship throughout this project.

To Michael Winger, whose guidance is invaluable to my development.

To Noam Rappaport, my trusted confidant with whom I could share my mind and inner musical world-your friendship and insights have been immeasurable.

I am grateful to Michael Lahr and Gregoij von Leitis from Elysium - Between Two Continents for their cherished friendship and support and for the Catwalk Institute for providing me with the creative space needed to compose these works.

My sincere appreciation goes to Yaffa Ronen and the Ronen Foundation for their continued support of my career and artistic development.

Special thanks to Sono Luminus for believing in this project, and to Simone Dinnerstein, Paola Prestini, and Pavlina Dokovska for their inspiration, guidance and encouragement through the years.

Recording, Editing, & Mixing Engineer: Wei Wang

Mastering Engineer: Daniel Shores

Producer: Tamar Sagiv

Recorded at Skillman Music - Brooklyn, NY 11211

January 31 - February 13, 2024

Tamar Sagiv - Cello, Composition

Leerone Hakami - Violin (Tracks 4, 5, 6, 7) (left)

Ella Bukszpan - Viola (Tracks 4, 5, 6, 7) (right)

Photo credits: Zan Wang & Apar Pokharel

Liner Notes: Tamar Sagiv

Layout: Joshua Frey

Executive Producer: Collin J. Rae