Songs I Shouldn't Sing & Neither Should You
- Artist: Jay Logan Lance
- Format: CD
- Release Date:11/28/2006
If you are looking for some clever music for kids that will also make you laugh, then this is the album for you. Little kids like the music, but so do thirteen and fourteen year olds, and so do thirty and forty year olds. There is nothing that will make a child a better person here, so if you are looking for that kind of music, why not buy a few copies of this album and listen to the songs carefully so that you never make that mistake again? Jay Logan Lance, the Original JayLo, was called JayLo long before Jennifer Lopez was even born. He was not, however, famous before she was, nor will he ever be famous, so his right to the name is questionable. His right to the name The Original JayLo is not questionable, just his use of it. Let's look at the songs on this album to help you decide how many copies you want to buy. The Toilet Song: Yes, it is wrong to sing a song about a toilet, but it is not wrong for you to listen to a song about a toilet, or to buy a song about a toilet. This is not the only toilet song, our research team has discovered, but it is the most toilety one, with the most varied references to toilets. It is also the only song our research team could discover that has a reference to a P-trap. This song will not make you feel good about yourself, but it will make you laugh and it might help with constipation. Is Betty Ready Yet? This is a nonsense song about things that mostly make no sense. Here is the first line: 'My aunt rolled over on a four-leaf clover with her sandals on and the sunscreen gone.' By the end of the song, Betty gets in trouble for trying to kiss a boy and your children will be begging you to play the song again. It is addictive, but in a good way, not a prescription medicine way. Bouncy Ball: The world has waited a long time for a quality song about bouncy balls. It may have to wait longer for a quality song, but in the meantime, you can enjoy this playful romp in the land of balls that bounce. Cheerios! If there is a song that will make the Original JayLo famous, this is it. It will probably be because he is using the name Cheerios without permission and the subsequent lawsuit will get his name in the newspaper. This is, by far, the Original JayLo's most requested song and the one that is most likely to stay in your head until the end of time. Listen twice, then try to not sing it in your head the rest of the day. I dare you. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy: No dad is this bad, but all dads have their wonderful bumbling moments where they make the mommy laugh at their incredible dumbness. Eggs and Bacon: Kids will have fun trying to memorize the words to this song and then sing them back as fast as the Original JayLo sings them. It is not easy. As with all the songs on this album, there is nothing truly redeeming here, no underlying message about eating things that are good for you. As a science lesson, it does teach children about the large and small intestine and their role in digestion. Good luck with that. The Fuss Bus: This song is more for the parents of fussy children and less for the fussy children themselves, though the Original JayLo invites all of them to each purchase their own copy of the album and enjoy it as they will. This is a fictional song, and none of the events depicted in this song have ever happened to anyone, as far as the Original JayLo knows. Bully on the Corner: Do you have demons? Do they have names like Butch and Reggie and live on street corners, stealing your lunch money and punching you for no reason? This is a song about running away from bullies, which is always the best option when available. It probably should not be sung at all, as it seems to encourage children to act like sissies, but then none of the songs on this album should have been sung in the first place. Before you are too critical of this song, however, why not buy the album for yourself and a few more for friends so that you can sit around and criticize it together? Gorilla, Gorilla: The Original JayLo introduces in this song the exciting sport of pronouncing words incorrectly but in funny ways. Kids that listen to this song will learn how to say Gee-orilla instead of Gorilla. They will not learn anything that will help them get into college, however, nor turn them into any kind of a junior Einstein. If you are looking for that kind of music, this is a good album to buy and keep in your car so that you remember never to buy this kind of music again. Hop & Moo: This is a children's dance song, in the same spirit as the Macarena and The Electric Slide. The difference is, those songs were written for adults and have a drum track. This song was written for kids who have too much energy. After your child dances along with this song set on repeat for an hour, you will be able to get your child to bed without any begging or false promises. The Sharing Fairy: Ok, this is the worst song on the album, in that it encourages parents to scare their children into being good. The Original JayLo recommends that no one resort to this not-good way to make children act nicely with each other. If you are desperate, however, it just might work. Blister on my Butt: This is a song about hypochondria; that's what makes it funny for adults. The main reason your child will want to listen to it again and again is because it contains the word butt in the title and in the lyrics. Kids like butts and talking about butts. They probably should be scolded for it, but if you are the kind of parent or uncle or aunt or grandparent or family friend who likes to joke about butts with children, this would be a good album to buy them and sneak them when their good parent isn't looking. The Original JayLo doesn't encourage being so subversive, but then again, he is not discouraging it. Bad Dog: Dogs are good for children and many parents buy their children dogs without thinking it all through. This song is for both of them. You should buy it. Pest: This is the perfect song to end an album of children's music. Usually, a good children's album contains at least one lullaby. This is definitely not a good children's album. This song is definitely not a lullaby. This is an album of music of bad children. This is a song about a bad child who enjoys being bad and sticking his tongue out at adults and not eating all of his or her peas. If a good child listens to this song, perhaps they will turn into a bad child and start to make fart noises all of the time, especially at meals. Probably not, but there is always a slight chance.